Ahhhh, Whimsical yet Risqué End of Evangelion
by Chenalos
Summary: Depressing, shmepressing: let's get whimsical!


This fic was written in 1999, never got much feedback from it,   
probably becauseit's way too...eh. So, for means of greater   
audience responce, here it is on Fanfiction.net   
edit-o-rama vision.  
  
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Fic pattern blue: confirmed superwaffy fic, approach with caution.  
  
  
  
Chenalos presents:   
  
Ahhhh, Whimsical yet Risqué End of Evangelion  
  
  
Air rushed back into his lungs. Air, not LCL, this was crisp and   
fresh air. It couldn't be right. He looked up into the red sky,  
as the clouds passed, unthreatening above him. His fingers moved,  
and the sand moved evenly between his fingers. It was over. The   
expelling and withdrawing of the waves was all he could hear. His   
soul regained its peace. He shut his eyes to the world and sunk back  
into his own world, his own mind. Nothing could harm him here.  
  
He then heard a sound to his right. He quickly jerked his head, and   
there, next to him was a young and wounded, red-haired girl. Shinji   
rolled on top of the girl. His mind began to fill with his dark   
thoughts.  
  
'Ever since we first met...'  
he thought  
'Since that first day, on the carrier...'  
His mind growing more unstable  
'there is one thing I always wanted to do...'  
his hands raised up to the girls throat  
'THIS!'  
His hands grasped tightly to her jugular, drowning out all air to   
Asuka's lungs. She made a final gasp as air squeaked into her   
throat. Shinji's teeth clenched, and he gripped tighter. Nothing  
could stop him.  
  
'THERE you see how it's like BITCH? This is cruelty. Any questions?'  
  
Asuka made not a single attempt to fight her way from Shinji, instead,  
her hand lifted from the sand, and brushed across Shinji's angered   
face. Her hand turned his angry stone face into submission. Shinji  
realized what his hands were doing. He was ashamed. He pulled them  
away, looking into her eyes. Asuka's innocent, loving eyes. He   
realized that it had all been reborn. He had found courage to stand  
up for himself. Misato had learned to open herself to others. Rei  
had found her emotions. Asuka learned to love, and she loved Him.  
Tears flowed from Shinji's eyes as his face collapsed upon her,   
sobbing into her bandaged plug suit. He had made a difference, and   
he can now live his life.  
  
"I don't feel good." said Asuka  
  
Shinji took a long pause as the tears stopped flowing. He lifted off  
of her and looked down into her eyes.  
  
"I'll make it all better, Asuka. I swear it."  
  
Her eyes became watery, as Shinji looked so earnestly at her.  
  
"Shinji..."  
  
"Yes, Misato?...MISATO?!"  
  
Shinji's glare shot to the purple haired girl who had propped herself  
up in the sand. She was at his left, and Shinji hadn't noticed her   
until now. She was wearing the dress she had worn the day that they   
had first met.  
  
"What am I doing here, Shinji?"  
  
Shinji's Eyes grew intensely large as he recalled his last thoughts.  
He now remembered, he couldn't decide.  
  
"Shinji..." Said Asuka, becoming angered "...What is she doing here?"  
  
Shinji's mind began to work frantically. He had no excuse prepared.  
  
"I...I...I, Uh, don't kno..."  
  
"Reporting, as ordered, pilot Ikari."  
  
Shinji looked up, and there, just a little further up the beach stood  
Rei Ayanami. She had walked towards the three, from behind the dunes   
of sand.  
  
There they were; Rei, Misato and Asuka. They were all here.   
Shinji knew he was in trouble. His thoughts were divided between the   
three of them. He couldn't decide at the right time, and, at that   
moment when his will was written into law, he had circled "All of   
the Above". Now he was going to pay for it.  
  
Asuka and Misato had stood up now, and the three females formed a   
triangle around the boy. He stood there and glanced among the faces.  
  
"We are the last ones left on earth." stated Rei  
  
"Why all three of us?" questioned Misato  
  
"Couldn't you have just chosen one?" Spoke Asuka  
  
Shinji closed his eyes, and swallowed hard. His eyes opened, and  
he looked over the sea. Nothing to save him was in sight. Shinji   
took a deep breath.  
  
"Well, Uh, it's like this..."  
  
That was all he said before dashing out through the gap between Asuka  
and Rei. He ran over the shoreline, and as far away as he could go.   
He was out to be free from the horrible demise that awaited him with  
the three women.  
  
"Run away, Shinji." yelled Misato  
  
Shinji slowed down  
  
"Yes, run away. Don't bother coming back." echoed Asuka  
  
Shinji came to a stop in the sand.  
  
"You won't find anything, there." Said Rei  
  
Shinji looked forward. There was the beach. All that lay before him  
was unsuppressing and free. In them, he could live any way he felt.  
If he ran away, he would live a peaceful life, of having nothing to   
ever fear. Shinji looked back. He saw the three girls, who had no  
reason to even live, without Shinji. They stood there, an obstacle   
in his perfect world, of nothingness. Shinji was free, now he had no  
need for others in his world. He would run away, and live happily alone  
all of his life.  
  
Alone. I don't know the Japanese equivalent, but in English, it is a   
haunting, hallow word. In any language, the word alone has the power  
to strike a chord in the darkest of souls.  
  
Shinji focused on that word, alone. He saw himself, the rest of his   
life, alone. All because he missed his one chance to mend his life  
with the only other people in the world. He looked forward, and saw  
only the beach. The waves crashed on the beach and pulled back to the  
ocean, and then repeated. Shinji saw the rest of his life, as an   
ocean. Waves would be the days, arriving and departing with no change.  
All of his life, nothing but meaningless repetitions of days, like   
waves crashing on the shore, nothing.  
  
Shinji looked back, and saw three beautiful women, who he chose to live  
with, without their consent. They would be angry, they would have   
doubts, they would change, and thereby, be uncertain. They would be  
Shinji's greatest challenge, and that scared him. But, they were   
something in this world of nothingness, and Shinji knew he needed them.  
  
He fell to his hands and knees on the shore there, and looked deep   
within himself.  
  
"I...I...I don't want to regret..."  
  
"I...I want to live."  
  
"I don't want to be alone."  
  
"I want to live."  
  
"I mustn't run away."  
  
"..."  
  
"I mustn't run away?"  
  
"..."  
  
Shinji lifted his head. He realized this was the last time in his  
life he would ever say these words.  
  
"I mustn't run away."  
  
He stood to his feet  
  
"And I want to live."  
  
Shinji Walked back to Rei, Asuka, and Misato; who had lined themselves  
up on the beach, facing him. The image of the three was like a   
battlefront. Shinji began his assault with lies.  
  
"Well...girls, I just thought, uh, that...Hmmm, how should I say this?  
I had made my choice, uhhh, of the person, the girl, uhhh, what have  
you...In any event I had made my choice, when I thought about our kids.  
I thought about the first generation, how they would, uhhh, be   
brothers and sisters, and uhhhh, And then I, uhh thought, about the   
second generation, what they would be...Well I thought that, uhh, that   
would be im-im-immoral, and I decided to take all three of you, just so  
that, the children wouldn't all be, uhhh, well, be uhhh..."  
  
Shinji looked from face to face, none of them were buying it.  
  
"...In...bre..."  
  
"Shinji" spoke Misato "Just tell us the truth."  
  
In response to Misato's appeal, Shinji promptly composed another lie.  
  
"Ok, the truth is, that, Well, the reason I chose all three, was   
because, well, It's kind of embarrassing."  
  
"Mankind will pass no judgement on you." spoke Asuka, sounding almost  
inspired, in a cold sort of way.  
  
"Well, the reason is...It's a guy's it's, it's his fantasy. You have   
to remember, that less than an hour ago I could have had anything I  
wanted. I, admitantly in a macho rush of power, asked for something  
that, well I always wanted. I mean, Ramsies, King Saul, Okonkwo,  
all the really cool guys have many wives, I imagined a world  
where I did too. This is it."  
  
He itched his noes  
  
"When people lie, blood rushes to the nose, irritating the sinus   
tissue, when you itch your nose you are lying." Spoke Rei.  
  
Shinji's hand dropped to his side. The girls continued to stare at   
him, needing an answer.  
  
"Ok, look, I don't know, OK? I don't know why you are here; you just  
are, accept it, OK? Why do you want to know? What difference does it   
make? You are here and that is that. Don't ask me any more. It's  
just the way it is."  
  
"Shinji, you know why we are here. You are the one who put us here."  
Replied Asuka  
  
"You found a need for us here, and thus you made us be."  
furthered Misato  
  
"Tell us what you need us for."  
Finalized Rei  
  
Shinji opened his mouth and tried to scream his defense, but nothing  
came out. His jaw opened and no words were behind it. He had run out  
of lies. Nothing left for him but the truth, which he felt he could  
not even say when he was alone, let alone when he was with others, and  
certainly not to Misato, Asuka, or Rei. No, there was no escape and  
it all had to be said.  
  
"Misato, Rei, Asuka..."  
  
"...There is only one reason you are here..."  
  
He gulped hard and forced from himself all that kept him from saying  
the truth.  
  
"I...I...I love you."  
  
The three females froze in shock from the words. Shinji continued  
  
"Misato; You let me into your life, no-one ever did that for me, ever.  
Whenever I was in trouble you kept on trying to help me. If it   
weren't for you, I would not be alive. You saved me and cared for me.  
  
Asuka; Beneath your anger, would sometime arise a flare of affection.  
My fondest memories of you were the times when you would listen to me  
and actually care about things I said. When you speak without anger,  
I am at peace. We complete each other well, you are my soul mate.  
  
Rei; No one knows you Rei. No-one understands you, but me. That is   
what everyone told me. People would come up to me and ask me what   
you are like. I know you better than anyone else. And still, I know  
so little. All I know is that, when you smiled at me that one night,  
you assured me that you could be happy. I wanted to make you happy,  
so I brought you here. You are here because I love you."  
  
Shinji swallowed the breath he spoke with, yet continued.  
  
"That is why you are all here, because I love you. I love you all   
completely and honestly. No more one than the other, I love Rei   
Ayanami, I love Asuka Langley Soryou, and I love Misato Katsuragi.  
There is nothing else to say."  
  
The waves crashed against their feet, Asuka, Rei and Misato stood   
perfectly still, as Shinji dropped his head down to his feet. Wave   
after wave came in and out with no change.  
  
Finally, a foot lifted from the sand and stepped toward Shinji, the  
girl lifted Shinji's head up, looked into his eyes and kissed him.  
  
Rei pulled her lips away.  
  
"I love you. Your father locked me into his world, made me only his,  
made me do whatever pleased him. It wasn't until the end that I   
realized he thought nothing of me. I was nothing. When you came  
and you tried to make me my own person, you tried to make me be myself.  
I never understood that. Not until...I had been reborn. In my third  
existence, I finally saw what it was to feel. Your father never   
gave me that, and you had tried all along. You were always there, and  
you cared for me...I can't thank you enough. I love you."  
  
Rei clasped her arms around Shinji, and embraced the only being that   
ever loved her. She stepped back. Misato stepped forward, kissed him  
likewise.  
  
"I love you. Until I found you, I had nothing in my life. I didn't   
care about myself, or my world. I lived a life of avoidance and   
ignorance. When you came along, I changed. Taking on responsibility  
made me be responsible. It was tragic; as I watched myself become a   
better person because of you, I could only look back and see how very  
terrible I was before I found you. But, I sent you into battle, I put  
you in harms way, and made you a puppet of your father. It was my   
fault that you were lost in the belly of an angel. It was my   
instruction that put you in danger. I made you pilot that Eva, forced  
it on you, and I did it for myself, because I needed you. I can still  
see myself clutching your plug suit, after Unit-one consumed you.   
'Give me back my Shinji.'" She said, running her finger gently down the  
bridge of his nose, "I needed you back. I love you."  
  
Misato hugged Shinji again, clutching the only person who had ever   
brought meaning into her life. She stepped away. Misato and Rei  
diverted their attention to the girl that was once too high and mighty  
to admit she had feelings for anyone. Asuka was at first hesitant to  
make the public overture, that she already knew was true. She looked  
into Shinji's eyes, however and knew how she felt. She stepped up to   
Shinji, and she didn't plug his nose this time.  
  
"I love you. Everything I gave you was anger and hate, I am full of   
it. Even so, you still would never touch me, would never raise your  
voice, never said an angry word to me. Where does all that strength  
come from? In all that you do you are strong and unbreakable in   
spirit. You are the best Eva pilot I have ever seen. I could never  
accept that. I needed to be the best. I hated you for being one step  
ahead. I wanted all the glory for myself. In pursuit of that   
glory, I missed out on the one person who loves me, who talks to me,   
who doesn't want to fight me. I ignored the fact that you could have  
never piloted at all, and it still wouldn't change the fact that you   
are the kindest, most forgiving and gentle soul that I ever met. What  
was I, stupid? I finally realized this fact. I love you."  
  
Asuka took Shinji into her arms, and held the boy that loved her. It   
was her dream. She pulled back suddenly, however.  
  
"But don't think you're getting off that easy."  
  
Asuka smiled, and then walked over to Rei and Misato. The three walked  
into the distance a bit. Shinji tried to approach, but was shunned by  
Asuka's waving hand. The three women remained in that spot by the sea   
for fifteen straight minutes. They argued and gestured as to just   
what's to be done with this dangerously easy to love 'Shinji Ikari'.  
Shinji hung back, dreading threats of a female dominated society, where  
he, along with all the other men ever to be born would exist in total  
Female submission. Living off of discarded food from the mighty woman,  
being used as breeding cattle. Forced to be trained in both medical  
research and construction working at the same time. It may be the   
dawn of Womankind, and Shinji would be helpless. Finally the girls  
returned.  
  
"Ok, Shinji. We have your discipline." said Asuka with a smile.  
  
He gulped  
  
"Ok, Asuka."  
  
"Pilot Ikari...please lie down prostrate on the sand and close your   
eyes."  
  
Shinji complied to Rei's order.  
  
"I hope this doesn't hurt."  
  
"Don't worry, Shinji. It won't hurt, much." Misato said  
  
Shinji tightened up as His eyes shut. The next thing he felt were   
hands clasped around his wrists and his ankles. Rei and Misato walked  
into the ocean.  
  
"WAIT, What are you doing?"  
  
"It's the Old 'eins, zwei, drei' Shinji-chan, I'd do it myself if it   
wasn't for the bandages." spoke Asuka  
  
"No Wait, I CAN'T SWIM!"  
  
"Don't worry Shinji, the L.C.L.'s not too deep here." Encouraged Misato  
  
"Please, no, don't throw me into the ocean. Rei, please stop!"  
  
"Sorry, Ikari, I am following my orders." She said with a smile.  
  
Misato and Rei positioned themselves out into roughly knee-high water.  
Asuka stood at the side, L.C.L. tingling her scratches and wounds.  
Nothing would stop her from missing this. She read the verdict:  
  
"Shinji Ikari, for playing with the affections of the last women on   
earth, We hereby sentence you to be cast out to sea."  
  
"Please, no, humans aren't made to float!"  
  
"SILENCE!" She screamed "Executioners, are you ready?"  
  
"Hai!" they replied  
  
"Hai, Hai! Shinji-kun...Sayanora...Ichi"  
  
Shinji was swung backwards on one. He was pleading for mercy.  
Pleading for his life, the girls swung him forward and returned   
backward, none the less.  
  
"Ni"   
  
Shinji had really built up speed now, when they swung him forward on   
two, he was already screaming that this would kill him, but the girls   
continued. Rei and Misato swung him back with all their might, and   
prepared for the final lunge. It came.  
  
"SAN!"  
  
Shinji was released, as his body helplessly hurtled through the air.  
  
"EEEEEEIIIIIIEEEE!" he screamed  
  
His body collapsed into the waves, and the girls cheered.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He drowned  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
just kidding...  
  
  
After the events; the quartet of individuals learned to accept each  
other, and had learned to exist happily with one another. Shinji's  
Offspring from Asuka and Misato...and Rei (who was given a fertile   
system of reproduction by Shinji's re-creation) Went on to re-populate  
the world(with a minimization of inbreeding mutation). In their   
time, however Shinji, Asuka, Misato and Rei all lived together in   
happiness, and unity.  
  
After Shinji was pulled in from the sea that day, four human beings,   
the last on earth, settled back and looked to the stars. Shinji looked  
over to Misato.  
  
"Misato"  
  
"Yes, Hun?"  
  
"Do you think this will all work out?"  
  
"The worst is behind us all now, Shinji. We can only look to the   
future, and try to make it better."  
  
Shinji looked to the stars, then to the three girls he will spend the   
rest of his life with.  
  
"No...You can't get better than this."  
  
The End, for real  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
WAFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFY!  
  
That was so damn WAFFY, I think I'm gonna have a stroke.  
  
I pictured "Beyond the Sea" to be sung by the female trio  
in the end ala-"Fly Me To the Moon", so use your imaginations.  
  
This is my first piece based on EoE, and I haven't seen it yet.  
A guy I know named Alex should fix that, though. I hope it was   
accurate.  
  
Read the nose itch thing in Newsweek. Clinton, you dogg!  
  
I want a new title! Send your Suggestions (E-mail at bottom)  
  
Even with all the WAFF, I realllllllly pushed the boundary of good   
taste. I was actually considering releasing this fic under an alias.   
People will be disturbed, I know it. For those of you who are   
offended, please don't loose it, Shut down your site, publish libel,   
piss and moan and get all angry at me. It's just a story. Hatemail  
is still welcome, of course. ANY MAIL IS! (an e-mail is; get it? Pun.)  
  
The Japanese is in honour of Oska Archer's Untitled piece, which I read  
recently. That and "EVA in God's Country" are must reads on my list of   
post third impact work. Correct my Japanese freely.  
  
MAD shouts to A1BoogZ, Check the New IN, at http://W3.to/SDAT/  
  
Hi's: Daryl Lee (thanks for the support, Rei-head (^_^),   
KoalaKiller (shout down under to ya, from the UK),  
Godsend777(loved SDF-1)  
ANDRE!(I feel accepted)  
Other people who read my stuff (I know/hope you're out there, thanx)  
  
Godel, Godel, Godel,  
You know, you mess up once, and they don't let you live it down.  
Mava fanculo!...  
  
I won't kid you, I'm just stalling for time while Fan Fiction 6 is on  
the boilerplate of my mind. It'll come, have patience.  
  
If you are ever in London, visit the Sony centre on Baker Street and  
ask for the American guy.  
  
And I think I need to go take a shower, wash the WAFF off.  
  
Fare well  
  
#End Film#  
  
Post script:  
  
That's it, as it turned out I hated EoE for reason's I won't get into  
right now. Godel means Addison Godel, with whom I had a huge falling   
out. Yes, I did write a fanfic titled "Fan Fiction" it's even stranger  
and longer. Don't bother asking for me at sony centre any more (like  
you even considered it) I only work there summers, and not for much  
longer. And the answer is yes, whenever I write something Warm And   
Fuzzy Feeling it HAS to be weird somehow. Hence the mother clone, and   
the 29 year old. I also embrace my EoE inaccuracies. Screw that   
movie! Dr. Strangewaff is in the house. Zee Feeelm, she iz a sukeeng!  
I could care less about showing disrespect to Anno's snffarama, whine  
The directors heart ou... Starting-to-rant...must-regain-control.  
  
Regarding random caPs: maybe some other time...Right.  
  
I'll also comment on OOCness, because you the people, asked for it.  
  
Rei loves Shinji, that's pretty much a fact that is pretty obvious  
in Evangelion. I just think it would take a pretty drastic event to  
get her to express it. Ohhh, say the end of the world, and a fourth  
chance at life and love. I intentionally had her confess first   
because for her, the epiphany is most drastic. OOC? All she does  
is spill her guts, how she really feels. Besides I've done far worse  
OOCs than this.   
  
As for Misato, her relationship with Kaji was turbulent at best. Did  
she love him? OF COURSE SHE DID! She also got incredibly messed up  
mixing around with secret agent man. Yes I am a "Misato did it"   
theorist. What's so interesting about it is, they both seemed to   
know what their relationship was heading to (hence the pill which   
contained the memory chip with the codes for terminal dogma). Kaji   
knew their relationship would end just the way it did, a bad break up.  
So quite simply, he gave her what she needed to "Move ahead" beyond   
him, and into the truth. That was the price and the reward that let  
Misato leave Kaji behind. Misato's love for Shinji, however, is   
pretty unconditional. Yes it's like a Mother/Son relationship. Yes  
it's an Oedipus complex, "HOLY CRAP WHO COULD EVEN THINK THAT!"   
relationship, but I think it is one of the strongest and most   
prevalent in the series. I do wonder sometimes, if she had a choice  
between Kaji and Shinji; one to die, one to live; who would she choose?  
And I honestly think Shinji. Kaji brought her reminiscence, an escape,  
and well... sex. However, the Misato in the beginning of the series is   
drastically different from the Misato at the end of the series, and if  
you follow it through, it's not because of Kaji, it's because of   
Shinji, who is the one whom she truly and unconditionally loves. I   
admit, it's not the kind of love one usually puts in this context, but  
that's what makes it Whimsical, yet Risqué, right?  
  
-Chenalos  
  
Chenalos@aol.com  



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